My holiday season began with a classic She Caught the Crazy! incident.  I was invited to Connecticut to spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s family.  His parents had been divorced for some time, and had worked out a way for both of them to enjoy their children on this opening holiday season; two thanksgivings.  We were to spend the afternoon at his mothers, and the evening with his father and his new family.  Thanksgiving tradition in my boyfriend’s family started off with a morning of playing football.  It was Fairfield vs. Bridgeport and to the victor went the bragging rights for the next year.  Since I would be spending this holiday in a new place, (far from my family, who I’m sure were enjoying waffles at that hour of the morning) I had hoped to go to the game and cheer on my beau.  He made it quite clear that no one came to these games and that it was just a fun time for the players.  Even though I insisted, he turned me down and I was left to spend the morning in bed curled up reading gossip magazines.
             Deciding to brave the day, I plodded down to the kitchen in my pajamas where my boyfriends mother was doing dishes.  On the counter next to her I noticed a recipe for Tofurkey.  Having come from a family of Carnivores, the idea of eating Tofurkey was foreign to me, and it certainly did not inspire feelings of thanksgiving.  I decided I would just have to make the best of it.  After all this was the first man I’d truly wanted to spend my life with, and I didn’t want to start that life by insulting his family.  Putting my best foot forward I decided to shower and get gorgeous for the festivities.  When I was done, my boyfriend had come home, victorious, and with the news that they had had a record turnout of fans.  Suddenly I felt a sting in my heart and my mind began to shift.  The crazy thoughts began spinning in my head: “Record turn out of fans?  I thought no one came to these games.  You said I would be the only one there, sitting all alone on the sidelines; poor, sad little me. Instead, I was laying around in this black hole of a bedroom while you and everyone in town were enjoying a football game in 60 degree sunshine.”  I felt hurt, and left out.  I had been invited to a family holiday, but told I couldn’t really participate.  I knew that he didn’t do it on purpose, but the crazy thoughts kept feeding my insecurity and I could feel the distance between us widen.  I sensed that I was catching the crazy, and decided that I had better curb it since I had a full day of in laws ahead of me. I sat down and did a relaxation technique to center myself.  When I felt calm, I shifted the negative thoughts in my mind to positive ones. “My boyfriend loves me and he asked me not to come because he thought I would be sitting alone and bored on the sidelines.  He made this choice because he believed it was in my best interest.  We have a strong and loving relationship, and I know who I am within it.  Next time I will trust my instincts.  I am love.”
I felt whole again, and I was ready to take on Thanksgiving Tofurkey. 
            We made our way downstairs, where the festivities were in full effect.  The room was full of family and kids were running through the halls.  I felt relaxed and welcome in this new family and sat down to watch the fun unfold.  My boyfriend’s brother and brother in law brought up the football game and asked me why I had not come out.  I didn’t want to make my boyfriend look bad so I told them that I had been exhausted and that we had arrived very late the night before.  “You missed out on a hell of a game.”  The words stung like lemon juice in a paper cut.  I smiled curtly, and let my face slide into a bitter scowl.  They continued to talk about different plays and how great it was that their dad came out.  I sat there stone faced trying to keep from expressing my bitter annoyance.  Great! I thought.  Now I’m the stone cold bitch with the ice queen smile.  After the conversation was over I thought that would be the last of game talk, but to my dismay, it was brought up continuously throughout the course of the day and by everyone in town.  At his father’s house, where we celebrated thanksgiving #2, everyone talked of nothing else.  Each person who attended had their version of “The Play of the Day” and proceeded to share it with the rest.  When his friends came over late in the evening for cocktails the only source of conversation was the game.  Even their girlfriends were in on it.  I pictured them all sitting on the sideline sipping Bloody Marys and mimosas and rooting on their men. Everyone kept asking me the same question, “Why weren’t you at the game?”  After a number of glasses of wine, the truth came blurting out.  We were sitting at the dinner table at Thanksgiving #2, and instead of trying to protect my boyfriend I threw him under the train.  I told everyone who brought it up that he forbade me to come to the game.  Some thought it was funny and joked that he didn’t want me to see how poorly he played football, while others just stared, not quite sure how to respond to my inebriated outburst.  I felt self conscious and sorely left out.  It reminded me of being the last kid picked in dodge ball, and I felt singled out as the loser at the party.  My crazy thoughts kept trying to take over my mind and fill it with negative comments, but I knew that if I allowed myself to go down that road I would do something truly horrible.  After all each time I mentioned that my boyfriend did not want me to come to the game, he too looked hurt.   
          It is my belief that we all have the opportunity to have love and give love, and that it is our negative beliefs that keep us from experiencing love to its fullest in our lives.   The next day I sat my boyfriend down and I told him exactly how I felt.  I explained the hurt I felt, and the feeling of isolation and lack of love, and through this communication he gave me exactly what I needed to hear.  He said “I didn’t know everyone would be there.  Last year it rained and there wasn’t a single person watching.  You know that you mean more to me than I could ever express with words, and I didn’t want you to be bored, sitting on the sideline, all alone.”  He gave me a hug and a kiss and said I love you, and in the end that was all I wanted.